The Elven Affair
by goshers
Summary: Roy has met a beautiful elf girl with green hair, and he is entranced. It's too bad she's already married.. to someone else in the party!  *Originally written for the Crack Pairings thread on the GiantITP forums.


"You're sure you're not hooking me up with some dwarf chick, right?" Roy asked his friend yet again.

"Relax," Durkon told Roy amiably. "I swear, you'll love her. Smartest gal I've seen around here in a long time. Honestly, think about all the numbskulls you've been hanging with - don't you want a break?"

"I guess," Roy replied nervously. "But I mean, normally you don't **do** the romance stuff - what's the deal this time?"

"Well.. I mean, I'm not really interested in her, see as she's not a dwarf. But she really is your type.. Although she doesn't really share your profession. That's the only thing," the dwarf responded. "Ah, here we are - the local donut shop. She should be just inside." He winked and added, "Go on. Don't be scared."

"Alright, alright," Roy grumbled, opening the door and walking on in, trying to look cool.

Immediately he was called out to by someone sitting at the booth next to the door. "Hey! Are you Durkon's friend?" He turned around and nodded, beginning to smile a little. "That's me. Roy," he replied, walking over to the girl.

"Nice to meet ya!" the girl responded. She motioned for him to sit down, and he did. She began to talk, introducing herself as she did so, but Roy zoned out - all he could think about was how pretty she was. He just nodded every few seconds and stared at her luscious green hair... beautifully smooth lips.. He only snapped out of it when she asked, winking suggestively, "So, do you have a room at an inn or something?"

It was a couple seconds before he answered, "Yeah! Yeah, of course." And then, more suavely, "I do indeed.. and you're definitely invited." The girl's smile widened and she leaned across the table, giving him a peck on the cheek. "Well let's go then!" she exclaimed. In a daze, Roy led her to the inn their party was staying at, holding her hand all the way.

If he hadn't been so dazed maybe it would've happened differently. He might've gotten to his room faster, and he might not have encountered anyone. But as it was, he was enchanted by the beautiful girl, and so they walked, if not slowly, slowly enough to meet Vaarsuvius in the hallway outside their rooms.

"Oh," Roy said nervously, "hey V. This is my, uh, friend.." He glanced at the girl again, wishing he had been less dumbstruck before - he had forgotten, or perhaps never heard, her name. Luckily he was saved from having to remember it - unluckily, that was the only good side effect of what was about to happen.

"INKYRIUS?"

Vaarsuvius's yell probably could've made the inn's walls crumble, had it been a bit louder. In shock, V could not even form a complete sentence. "What- what are you doing here- where are our children- why are you with- Roy?"

Confused, Roy looked from Inkyrius, the beautiful girl, to Vaarsuvius, the androgynous mage, and back. "You know each other?" he blurted out, finally deciding to keep his gaze on Inkyrius, who had turned bright red. After a moment, as V's incomplete sentences sunk in, he stammered, "..Ch-children?"

An awkward silence developed. Vaarsuvius finally asked, still disbelieving, "Inky? How.. how can you.. I thought.." V trailed off, staring.

Then, after a moment, "Inkyrius, I was under the impression that we were married."

Inkyrius stammered, "W-well.. I loved you! I always did! But y-you always were in love with your magic, not me! And.. then you left, and I was just so lonely.. and my friends said that I shouldn't have to stay true to you if you were gonna up and leave.." She sniffed a little. "Then I met this dwarf and he said I would be just great for this friend of his.."

Roy gaped at the two of them. "You.. you two are married?" Distraught, and a little dissappointed that he wouldn't get to have any fun with Inkyrius, he contined to stare.

"Yes," Inkyrius murmered, dropping her head in shame. "Suvie.. I think we should talk.."

"You think we should **talk**?" Vaarsuvius yelled, having finally gone from disbelief to anger. "Now you think we should talk, after you've gone and had an affair with.. with **ROY** of all people? And you, Roy, I can't believe.." Seeing Roy's bewildered face, V stopped and took several breaths. "Sorry, Roy. You didn't know. But Inkyrius.."

"...You're right, we do need to talk," V finally said with a frown. As the two elves walked out, Roy wondered what he could have done to keep this from happening.

At least now he knew the beautiful green-haired elf's name.


End file.
